I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
