I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
