My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
