i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Fuck appropriateness.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
