If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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