if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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