I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
