..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
