I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
