It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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