got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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