I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
