u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
