I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
