I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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