How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
