the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
