belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
