He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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