I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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