oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
