My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
