The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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