Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
