I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
