guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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