Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
