rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
