Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
