I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
