I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
