Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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