hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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