am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
