So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
