I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
