My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
