Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
