Whod you bang
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
