If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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