I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
