Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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