Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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