he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
