I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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