im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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