i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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