I'm really into asian looking animals
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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