guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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