Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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