she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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