yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
