you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
